Today, in less than a minute, I was harassed on the street by two different men.
I wasn't calling attention to myself, I wasn't dressed provocatively, and it wasn't the middle of the night.
And yet it happened. It happened, and it made me feel unsafe, insecure, and unable to simply walk back to my office without being reduced to a piece of meat by men that I didn't know.
I almost get why people think catcalling is no big deal. After all, the intention is usually just to flatter. It's not threatening, right? You're just trying to tell a complete stranger how sexy you think she is, how much you'd like to "tap dat ass", how good you could put it on her if she let you...
Oh wait...
Street Harassment is HARASSMENT. It infuriates me that so many men don't understand why it's such a serious issue. Being a woman in this world is literally a hazard. It means that you are at increased risk for assault rape, depression, PTSD, eating disorders and a whole host of other things that I can't think of right now. Simply by being born with a vagina, there is a growing list of dangers that you will very likely encounter in your life, and it makes moving through the world difficult enough without you going out of your way to make it worse.
Picture this: You think you're being cheeky by calling me "baby" from across the street, or whistling at me to get my attention, and flash me your winning smile. You think you're paying me a compliment by crossing the street and following behind me for a block or two just to tell me that you think I'm beautiful and to have a nice day. You think it's amusing to tell me that you could steal my purse if it struck you. You think I should be flattered to be the object of your attention.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking that you're a stranger, and that as a man you're likely bigger and stronger than me, and that you could overpower me if you tried. I'm taking stock of what's in my hands and which of those things I'm willing to leave behind if you turn out to be a predator and I have to drop my shit and run. I'm looking to see if anyone else is around, and if I can run to them for help. I'm thinking about how easily I can ditch my heels if I have to make a run for it. I'm trying to decide if pretending to be taking a call will be enough to make you take the hint that I'm not interested, or if it will provoke you into more aggressive tactics. I'm wondering if the people in the surrounding buildings will come to my aid if I scream for help.
All because you crossed the street.
And I can see how that may seem extreme, but being a woman means being on high alert 24/7. It means that regardless of your intentions, I have to constantly be aware of the fact that my very existence means that you are a potential threat to me. And no, this doesn't mean that all men are rapists or that you should never approach a woman. It just means that if you do approach a woman in the street because you genuinely want to get to know her, you need to be conscious that until you prove otherwise, you are a threat to her safety, and she is actively aware of that fact.
Guys, I NEED you to GET this. I need you to know that this is not okay. Street harassment violates a woman's sense of security, and everyone is entitled to feel safe when they're minding their business, walking down the street. This is all part of a larger conversation about rape culture and male entitlement which I won't touch on here in the interest of brevity, but if you take nothing away from this piece, take this: Don't catcall. Don't harass. Don't make me feel uncomfortable just because you think you're entitled to view me as a sexual object.
You are not entitled to comment on my body. I am not available for public consumption.
"You are not entitled to comment on my body. I am not available for public consumption."
ReplyDeleteActually, so long as there was no expression of hate speech, by stepping in public your body and presence is very much up for public consumption. Every single one of us is, man, woman and child, to be judged.
Argue all you want regarding the class or politeness of such action, to categorize it as harassment is insulting to anybody that has actually experienced real, threatening harassment.
Your paranoia does not entitle you to silence others who make no physical invasion of your personal space, or say nothing threatening to your person. A whistle is no more threatening to you than it is to the dog you reference in your photo. Please grow up.
"...so long as it is done in an objectively non-threatening manner."
ReplyDeleteI have no qualms with the idea that people will judge me if I'm out in public. Whether or not I should have to expect that behaviour is another issue.
What I DO take issue with is the point at which your silent judgement becomes my very real fear that you will attack me. No one is entitled to comment on my body, breach my personal space, or approach me just to whisper lewd things in my ear as I walk past. None of those things can in any way be considered "non-threatening". I don't owe you anything, and my presence in the public sphere does not diminish that fact.
The fact that you think I'm paranoid shows that you don't understand rape culture one bit, but I'm not obligated to teach you.
Nevertheless, thanks for stopping by to comment.
I take the opposite view. Walking through town and watching how some men "interact" with strange women, is NOT by any stretch of the imagination "objective", and in my opinion can border on threatening.
ReplyDeleteIn any event, such behaviour is disrespectful as many of these men think that they can treat and deal with women in any way they choose as a matter of right, which is manifested by such behaviour. Everyone has the right to demand respect.
maybe most of these events are physically harmless, but that is no excuse to engage in such behaviour
You sounds like a damn moron. Harassment is threatening You wouldn't feel threatened if a stranger is larger than stronger than you is following you? You wouldn't feel threatened if someone you don't know asks you for your number and you don't know how they will react. If Ninja Carte, me or any other woman were attacked kidnapped or raped by said stranger I'm sure that people like you would be first ones to blame us and say why didn't you play nice, or run away or fight back. I have heard far to many stories about nice guys trying, or actually hurting a woman that just saw on the street or barely knew.
ReplyDeleteOpposite to whom Kevin? It sounds like we're in total agreement. The thing is, you can say that words are just words, but when I know that you have the physical ability to back those words up with action, it becomes a threat to my safety.
ReplyDelete